My healing with Mary Magdalene & the Divine feminine
I have often spoke about how as a young teenager my questioning of where the sister was in the bible, scriptures and gospels became so loud, mostly from within, that when I was asked to read gospels I changed the word brother to sister. It was perhaps my way of asking the brothers who were asking me to read the gospels, “where are we, where are my sisters? Was it only men?” Looking back it was my inner knowing, perhaps somewhat naively or bravely questioning the story (in the 90’s) I was told to tell, yet all the same even then I knew, intuitively, the remembering was encoded in my psyche (soul) and cells.
The sisters were there. We just weren’t being told that story.
Since then (the 90’s) I stopped the questioning in my late teens, turned away from any religious or spiritual work and had a massive spiritual awakening in my 30’s (which I believe was first happening as a teenager I just did not know to expand on it then) and since then I have gone through many years of conscious healing work, learning and remembering that has brought me to share this with you today. This is the part I may not have said out loud to you before. This is my story. My truth.
When I began seeking spiritual teachings and healing ways to help me discover there was something more to life, a deeper meaning, it was at a time when I remember being at one of my happiest ever. But. There was something missing and I went on a quest. Of-course my story is complex and for the point of this part of the story we will remain focused. Saying that, when I learnt about the wounded patriarchy and divine feminine and masculine I uncovered a collective unconscious that was part of my healing journey and which lead to a healing journey for me that was contributed to by my feelings of shame, ego, not wanting to be really seen, afraid to speak, allowing my power to be taken and controlled, power, lack of truth.
I was brought up Roman Catholic and to be fair, going to mass weekly and saying prayers made me feel good. There were many great homilies told that I enjoyed and I truly did get something out a church and the group experience. But in my teens I became disillusioned. And perhaps like a lot of teenagers do, did not want to go to mass, and when I went to university it mostly all but stopped. I came back every so often in my 20’3 and early 30’s, usually when I was soul searching or missing home but it felt very different and I was missing ‘something’.
Fast forward to my 30’s, I was living in Dublin and soul searching became more conscious and I began consciously seeking, doing the work, reading spiritual scholars and teachers, attended healing workshops and began healing myself. I began focusing on my throat chakra. Something had stopped working! Literally my ability to communicate felt threatened and I was no longer able to hide. What I didn’t know but uncovered was that wounds in my life in form of the sister wound had come to the forefront and I was being pushed to heal. Deeper than that this was a past life, lives, wound and it was time to heal and stop the limiting cycles and further wounding.
And there stepped in Mary Magdalene …
The Divine Feminine. The red thread.
The sister and the mother energies of the Divine that had been missing in the way I now know and commune with them. They came to me, to help me heal. When I needed them the most. Yes they were always there but now they were no longer hidden, hidden from me and I was no longer allowing the veil of illusion to have power over me. I had began detaching from the matrix and the Divine feminine needed to come to help me do that. They were powerful, very present, everywhere.
I realised in my healing, that my wounded feminine, and masculine, had contributed to how I was feeling and why I was being asked to look at my beliefs. MY beliefs. Not the beliefs I was told to believe in, but what I knew were my truth. I read many books but when I read “Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute” I wanted to scream out loud and cry “I knew it, I knew it, I bloody knew it”, my body remembers that feeling of rage being released, truth being revealed, healing happening and as I write that my body feels some of those same things now. I remembered where I sat in primary school and being told Mary Magdalene was a prostitute and thinking how weird we’re being told that when no-one has even explained sex to me, yet I still knew what a prostitute was. I guess it wasn’t the first time I’d heard this story at about 9/10years old but I remember thinking, I don’t know if that is right and why does the woman always have to be the one that does something wrong?! I remember feeling personally shamed or to blame. I was being told her story yet I felt the pain and lies.
And this was where all I had been told to believe growing up started to unravel in terms of being a Catholic and what the entire system was built on! For Mary Magdalene was written out of the Roman Catholic religion when it was established. She was turned into a prostitute and man was given hierarchy over women. And to today the gospels and the male energies are still the focus.
What I now know is that the original teachings of Jesus was that of scared union, equality of masculine and feminine and Mary Magdalene was the Apostle to the Apostles. At their time on earth, this balance and harmony was not honoured by many men and the Roman empire was threatened by Mary Magdalene’s role and admiration so thus shamed her. They tried to rub her out of the story (what I had been healing in my own life at the time). But, she wrote a gospel and it is now included in the New New Testament. Spiritual scholar of Mary Magdalene Meggan Watterson has helped me learn the true story and we can read from others gospels written and I have been able to fall in love with her and Jesus by the way, he was quite the dude!
So not all I knew has left me but I am relearning and growing. I honour my upbringing, the rituals, prayers and return to church that so deeply influences my life now. But how I pray has changed, I honour the feminine and mother as well as the masculine and father. So the faith that I belonged to because my family did is now different, some know that but I know some might find that a revelation. For me, my prayers need truth, authenticity, unconditional love, unity and (this may be the hardest truth I’ve written not because I don’t know it but because others will read it) sacred union, heaven and earth energies and that is missing from the Catholic church for me. I love Jesus and Mary, Mother Mary is with me always and I can go on … but I can still connect with them but how I do that now is done in the balance and harmony of Divine energies and when I attend a mass or hear some teachings it does not sit with me. The truth I know now, means to live in sovereignty and being true to my Healing Priestess path means I have to do it different from how I did as a child and how many still do.
Mary Magdalene is one of my spiritual guides. She has held me as I walked through the fire and she supports me in all I do. I see her as a mentor and a guide and for that reason I walk a different spiritual path than what my family had me baptised into. I honour it for I feel it was part of my healing journey and learning. I honour my family and all who still love the faith and religion I once followed. For what my healing has taught me is that it’s ok to believe in different things. But I am comfortable and in my power choosing the path I am on now. I feel in alignment and I did not feel that way before with the missing divine feminine and true story of Mary Magdalene.